more floating than dancing - perfection in thought.. The only conceivable increase, a person with whom I could share such feelings of happiness. Dance and forget the world.
But what would that life without desire. Felt bored and somewhat romantic.
The perception of the so-called reality must always be a little twisted and sparkling. Colorful and blurred.
Always a voice or melody in my head. Always miles away, and still more clearly than ever before.
I appreciate and admire the people around me. I found it hard long enough to accept that I will be liked. I could never understand it. Maybe you have to have done so only something to be proud of. Help others. Listening. You get to laugh.
hand in hand with Tourette's patients walk through the shops. In the Ford Transit sing along loudly over the windows open and the police. "We are mentally ill, mankind is expected of us!"
These memories are the most valuable.
Two people from the home have become my friends. One, a former drug addict from Berlin, the other, a little 50 - year-old with Tourette's syndrome. But what say such diagnoses have over people.
Somehow I think almost every day to her. To the old days in the home.
It has taught me more than 13 years of school.
And I know I would not spend my life on the computer. I get just two months back such pain, my eyes are getting worse .. I'll run through it because I'm good at it. Only fulfilling, is it does not. I spend my time trying to package the biggest scrap pretty. Unfortunately, I see the end, only for what it really is: crap.
scrap I can not sleep at night satisfied.
And yet ..
Recently someone told me I would be turned into such a happy people .. compared with "before". That was the best compliment. It's not quite true, I know, but it's something to it.
I laugh a lot.
And I forgive. I have forgiven them
long ago. Even if they do not deserve, if they have not even brought to an apology.
But the question that torments me over and over again: Have you forgiven me? Will they ever? Only my mistakes are really so unforgivable?
Was it for my mistakes .. in complete befuddlement .. Alcohol. I can not even say exactly what actually happened .. and what is not. Only the feeling that something unspeakably wrong done - or seen to have - is still stuck deep in the bone. I can not talk about it. With no one. Maybe I'll never, out of shame. For fear of having to go through everything again. What will happen
.. it goes on. Es geht immer weiter.
...
"I like someone who embraces life; who wants to be on a long journey but has no particular plan or destination in mind. An adventurous man, open to the concept of living life in the moment."
- Jill Hennessy
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